Welcome, parishioners! Our reading today will be from the Book of Paul (Bettany).
It’s the story of a young, striking, classically trained actor with a promising future led into temptation by the draw of the monetary gain of crappy genre films. It’s a familiar tale, originally found in the Book of Julian (Sands).
Back in the early ‘80s, Sands was the overseas thinking-woman’s hunk. Starring in two back-to-back Oscar-winning films (“The Killing Fields” and “Room with a View”), Sands was rocketing skyward. But along came a little film called “Warlock,” that changed the direction of his career. From that point, he filled his resume with films like “Witch Hunt,” “Tale of the Vampire,” and “Romasanta: The Werewolf Hunter.” Continue reading →
Title: ‘Warlock: The Armageddon’ Rated: R
Written by: David Twohy and Kevin Rock
Director: Anthony Hickox
Starring: Julian Sands as Warlock Chris Young as Kenny Travis Paula Marshall as Samantha Ellison
Pre-screening memories: Scott bulletted some items that he recalled when he viewed Warlock: The Armageddon on its opening weekend in 1993 (and, subsequnetly, a second time in a bargain theater, where it presumably landed a week later):
The film was put out by Trimark. I rather miss that company. For a short while there they seemed to be the heir apparents of Cannon.
I recall kind of enjoying the film, even though I was fully aware it wasn’t a very good film, certainly inferior to the original that I still think is a very underrated movie. The original had some dumb humor, but the sequel was just plain dumb all the way through. Still better than the third installment, Warlock III: The End of Innocence.
The sequel adopted more of a Freddy Krueger-ish tone. Warlock became more of a mocking slasher who killed in twisted, often comically ironic fashion: turning the guy into a warped piece of art and making a Picasso joke, shooting people with his finger during a high noon-style showdown and saying “Happy trails, partner.” Very much dates the movie.
When someone flies you high up into the air in exchange for a particular object you possess never give that person the object until they’ve put your feet back on the ground.
The whole concept of gathering these unholy runestones just seemed dumb and less imaginative than the previous film seeking the book containing the name of God which when spoken would undo creation. Also thought it was rather dopey how these runes were scattered all over yet not only did the Warlock get from place to place with such ease, most of those places were unlikely: a fashion show, a corporate office, a freaking funhouse for goodness sake.
Psychic midget!
Unconvincing concept of these modern druids living in the US and all played by recognizable character actors so cast against type in the role that they’re impossible to believe. Leader of the group actor didn’t sound at all convincing when he’d explain the magic to the teens. Seem to recall that they were awfully unprepared to deal with the Warlock considering preventing the Warlock from getting his hands on these stones was their sole purpose.
The whole magical teen warriors concept also felt like a product of the time it was made. Seem to remember thinking I was willing to believe their powers being more likely than their romance. Her character was a bit too whiny. His character was an annoying dweeb.
Not exactly what I imagined Satan would look like. Devil looked like a photo negative of the demon dogs from Ghostbusters. Seeing Satan crawling out of the pit left me wondering how exactly this quadraped demon was going to unleash Armageddon.
There always has to be an eclipse involved in these things, doesn’t there?
Warlock’s demise was awfully easy. Thank goodness for those all-purpose sacred daggers that can always be counted on to do in the forces of evil.
Saw the film in a dollar theater that was packed. When the movie ended someone in the back yelled “SUCKED!” and everyone laughed heartily.
Whatever happened to Julian Sands? Seems like he did this and then Boxing Helena and that pretty much killed his career until he showed up on “24” last season.
Was Foy still under Julian Sands’ spell after all these years? Check out the podcast here, or listen to it below:
