MGM roars back with… A shit load of remakes and sequels?

I know a lion’s gotta eat, but this is a bit ridiculous.

At the same time it was announced that 2011 is now the most sequelly year ever (27 are slated, which translates to one every other week), we were greeted without the news that MGM pulled itself from the bowels of bankruptcy by announcing five remakes/continuations.

It’s understandable that the studio would dust off some chestnuts to ensure some box-office familiarity, but others seem like curious choices to trumpet it’s return.

Here’s what’s in the works:

“Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters”: A 3-D futuristic retelling of the Brothers Grimm fable (which was most notably made at the tail end of the Cannon era and starred David Warner and Cloris Leachman). This remake is to be co-financed by Paramount and will star Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton.

“Mr. Mom”: This is one I can totally see, and while I hold fond memories for the original, it’s by no means beloved. Of course, its premise is not as novel anymore (a father? Home raising his children? Absurd!!!), it’s always fun to see ill-prepared dads dealing with the toddlers.

“The Idolmaker”: Another one that is fair game, but a curious choice, indeed. Taylor Hackford’s all-but-forgotten 1980 flick based on the life of Bob Marcucci, who discovered Fabian and Frankie Avalon. The new version will be retrofitted for the “American Idol” generation, but details beyond that are sketchy.

“Robocop”: Ouch. This stings. The beloved Detroit officer that runs on Microsoft Office, had threatened to hit screens last year, with Darren Aronofsky taking over for Paul Verhoven as director. Aronofsky has since moved on to pick up the “Wolverine” sequel (an equally depressing thought) and is now said to be getting his religion on afterward with an adaptation of “Noah” (really?).

“Poltergeist”: Another film that has long been in the rumor mill is set to return with a fresh coat of paint. Have filmmakers learned nothing from the “Poltergeist” curse?(http://www.snopes.com/movies/films/poltergeist.asp).

iPad’s Labyrinth

The iPad debate is over. It’s awesome (says us). But finding the right film-centic apps can be a dizzying affair. Here’s some apps of choice…

As an official devotee of the iPad (from which this column is currently being typed), I constantly find myself nosing through pages of new apps that will feed my filmic obsession. To save others hours of scrolling through the (admittedly poorly categorized) Apps Store in search of various cinema-centric applications, I wanted to provide a go-to list for fellow film nerds of apps that will turn you from a casual viewers to a movie junkie with just a few taps of the screen.

Messing with Memories: ‘Fletch’

The gloves are off, now, Warner Bros.

I can remain silent about various reboots of your superheroes (again with the Superman?), but now you are diving into the heart of my childhood.

According to Monsters and Critics, you are now going through with your plans to reinvent Irwin Fletcher, the beloved detective known to so many children on the 80s simply as Fletch.

The imminently quotable flick (forget picking a favorite line, just go here) is now planned for a revised reboot of the franchise, hoping to use the 11-book series created by Gregory Macdonald as a template.

This is not the first Fletch Threat we’ve heard, but it is certainly the one that seems to be the closest to becoming reality.

Another Fletch installment was in the works years ago, when director Kevin Smith acquired the rights with Chevy Chase set to reprise. After a falling out, Smith was rumored to have been working on an ill-advised prequel with Jason Lee as a young Fletch.

When that went south, so did the reboot rumors. Until recently.

Look. The film has endured because of its star, not because of the enduring legacy of the character. Even the first film’s screenwriter, the talented Andrew Bergman, admitted to a rather weak script. Chase was given the latitude to improvise many of the lines, which is what made the film iconic.

Sorry Warner Bros and Macdonald fans, but his words and actions were not the real reason for Fletch’s popularity. If you think me to be wrong, sue me.

Just send the bill to the Underhills.

Sources: Monsters and Critics, IMDb, Washington Post.

Redo or Redon’t: ‘The Mechanic’

Jason Statham, the reigning B-movie badass, has managed to kick out a career that has flirted with Bruce Willis-level prowess, while avoiding stepping in steaming piles of Steven Segal in the process.

Remake is a dirty word for many audience members repeatedly burned by bastardizations of youthful memories by high-gloss, empty remakes. But for marginal film’s like 1972’s ‘The Mechanic,’ a Statham-infused jolt of adrenaline is exactly what is called for.

Director Michael Winner’s original featured Charles Bronson as a monotone, unflappable executioner. His voice seldom raises above a grumble, and his turgid actions would be at home in a George Romero zombie film. He plays Arthur Bishop, a methodical assassin who shuffles through his job of contract killing with the enthusiasm of an accountant. When his assignment includes taking out his mentor, he barely blinks as he follows through.